Hence my horror last week, when in a personal vendetta launched wholly at me and intended to achieve nothing other than leave me in crumpled, listless, lifeless state on the floor of the computer room, grubby Zynga Games shut down their massively popular Challenge Sudoku game on Facebook. At the time this digital atrocity was committed, nearly 20,000 fans were friends of the game and Challenge Sudoku had received a rating of 3.9 stars out of 5 stars, based on 1,468 reviews.

Here’s the heart-wrenching message which greeted me when I logged on, in order to finish a 5-round “harder” marathon against my Facebook arch-nemesis, a game which I can only assume will now remain unfinished until the end of time itself:

The grubby error message from Zynga Games

Needless to say – but I’ll say it anyway – “important” games like Farmville, CafeWorld and Mafia Wars are still going strong.

Despondent, heart-broken, despised and rejected, I logged off Facebook, shut down the computer and wept quietly for some hours. I then started driving around aimlessly, in an effort to think clearly. I found myself at mum & dad’s, where I stopped seeking consolation and a mug of International Rust.

I confided in my mother, explaining  my Sudoku dilemma.

Mum said, “Well, there’s always the games you used to play in the garage. Let’s have a look.”

Curious, I followed my mother into the garage, where every single game, toy, camping tool, school book and scouting provision from my childhood was safely stored, and will also possibly (and coincidentally) be stored until the end of time itself.

Would you believe, in next to no time, my mother was able to produce 1 x original, genuine, 30-year-old Intellivision games console??!?!?

The Mattel Intellivision

Woo hooo!! The Intellivision was manufactured in the late-1970s by Mattel, and was a state-of-the-art machine in its day. My family spent thousands of hours in front of this bleeding-edge games console as we attacked aliens from outer space, negotiated Pitfall Harry over alligators and swamps, and even dodged dangerous barrels of burning oil in Donkey Kong.

The Intellivision is a cartridge machine and mum found a big bag of game cartridges too. I raced home and plugged everything in. No fancy HDMI output on this little sucker: the Intellivision was equipped with an RF modulator. Kids, this means you switch the television to channel 0 or channel 1, and plug a coaxial cable between the system and the antenna socket on your TV.

I was concerned that the Intellivision wouldn’t work after all these years, and I was especially concerned that the magnetic media on the games cartridges would have long since become corrupt or erased completely.

I was, however, excitedly surprised to find that most cartridges still actually worked, after at least 30 years of use and abuse, and storage in a high-humidity garage.

Here are some exciting images from the next few hours of my life, showing-off the Intellivision’s magnificent 159 x 192 aspect ratio and 16-colour graphics palette:

Space Armada

Swords and Serpents

Donkey Kong

…and last, but certainly not least:

Demon Attack

Other exciting titles include Happy Trails, Utopia, Star Strike, Auto Racing, Baseball and Thunder Castle.

And the GREAT thing I’m discovering about the Intellivision, 30 years on, is that no-one in the world knows who I am – or anything about me – when I’m playing a game; AND there’s not one single privacy setting which can mean the difference between access to the game itself and criminally-motivated identity fraud.

I’m yet to find a Sudoku cartridge, but for now, I think it’s safe to say that I’ve learned to deal with my Zynga pain. I’m too busy shooting demons and jumping oil barrels.

Long live Mattel!