The Surgery

But wait! There’s more!

In order for Action Item Man to own this challenge, he needs to be goal-oriented and results driven.

Gold, Jerry, absolute gold:

Weasel Words is a website dedicated to those “who have silently wept into a crumpled copy of their company’s mission statement, for teachers who want to work in classrooms and not customer service points, and for all those who have been underpinned by an innovative, value adding, creative, sustainable, diverse and optimised framework.”

Crikey… maybe even I’m guilty of some of these.  Ouch!

I hate it when that happens.

Via email:

Two British traffic patrol officers from North Berwick, east of Edinburgh, were involved in an unusual incident, while checking for speeding motorists on the A1 Great North Road.

One of the officers used a hand-held radar device to check the speed of a vehicle approaching over the crest of a hill, and was surprised when the speed was recorded at over 300mph.  The machine then stopped working and the officers were not able to reset it.

The radar had in fact locked on to a NATO Tornado fighter over the North Sea, which was engaged in a low-flying exercise over the Borders District. 
Back at Police Headquarters, the Chief Constable fired off a stiff complaint to the RAF liaison office.

Back came the reply in true laconic RAF style:

Thankyou for your message, which allows us to complete the file on this incident.

You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Tornado had automatically locked on to your “hostile  radar equipment” and sent a jamming signal back to it.

Furthermore, the Sidewinder air-to-ground missiles aboard the fully-armed aircraft had also locked on to the target.

Fortunately the Dutch pilot flying the Tornado responded to the missile status alert intelligently, and was able to  override the automatic protection system before the missile was launched.

Makes for a good story anyway.

Tune-in to your local ABC Radio National on Friday 11/04/08 at 5:55 P.M. to hear me rant about the use and abuse of the apostrophe.

Apostrophes do two things, that’s all: they make contractions, and they make possessives.

ABC Melbourne: 621 kHz AM. Follow this link for other ABC stations in your area. Many thanks to ABC producer Sue Clark for the opportunity to rant on Perspective, and thanks to Brett de Hoedt, Mayor of Hootville, for giving me a prod now and again.

Ikea has announced its intention to start selling cars.

(Because some things just wouldn’t work as TTR Odd Spots. )

Jodee Berry of Panama City, Fla., sits with her toy Yoda at her lawyer’s office Wednesday.

Berry, a former Hooters waitress, has sued the restaurant where she worked saying she was promised a new Toyota for winning a beer sales contest in April.

Berry, 26, believed that she had won a new car, but she was blindfolded, led to the parking lot and presented a toy Yoda, the little green guy from Star Wars.

Source: Associated Press

What is it, I wonder, that drives ordinarily intelligent, sane, clear-thinking people to do stupid things?

If you’re wondering what’s inspired me to blog about dumb people, press CTRL-F4 on your keyboard now and something amazing will happen.

Did you press CTRL-F4? No? Good.

If you did, then I’m sorry to say that this post’s about you.

On Tech Talk Radio I have often lamented the demise of our international email system. Spam statistics vary widely from country to country, but most reputable organisations agree that the voume of email traffic which constitutes spam is around 90% or higher. This is a huge amount and is increasing every year. My honest belief is that email, as a communication medium, will soon outlive its usefulness. We have already seen this happen with newsgroups, most of which are completely unusable owing to the number of “robots” that generate unsolicited traffic. Email is headed the same way.

But something will replace email. It will be a system that’s global, free, platform independent and an open-standard that’s universally agreed upon. Proprietary messaging systems like Yahoo! Messenger, Windows Live Messenger and Facebook’s messaging and “wall”-style applications are the sort of thing I’m thinking of. For now, these are all proprietary systems so unless their manufacturers create an open interface to other systems, they won’t be the Holy Grail of internet messaging. But they’re on the way. I think this is where it’s headed.

Now what makes me angry about clear-thinking people who behave all stoopid-like is the proliferation of “spam” messages in these new communication systems. I refer specifically to the Facebook “wall” application, and the 3rd-party FunWall and Super Wall applications. These are plug-ins which let you share media-rich content with other Facebook users.

(RockYou, the company behind the Super Wall application, believes its free plug-in is now worth in excess of US$10 million: if interested, read Mashable’s story on the Super Wall.)

Sure, it’s funny to send people videos of New Year’s Eve fireworks, photos of suspicious-looking Santas with captions like “rub nose for good luck”, and Channel 10 newsreader Mal Walden trying to pronounce the word “phenomenon”. That’s what these messaging systems are for.

But every day without fail, people forward stuff like this:

“OMG, hit FORWARD if you want to see who looks at your profile the most. All you have to do is Forward the message and hit Ctrl F4.”

“click forward see what happens…”

“This is amazing, it really works, forward to everyone and press ALT-F4 and see what happens next, you will be amazed.”

Arrrgghhhh!!! We are only just getting people out of the habit of forwarding emails that say “forward this to everyone in your address book”. What do people think is going to happen if they click “forward”. OH MY GOD the message actually forwarded to other people! And what was the effect of this? Only to congest the messaging system and perpetuate meaningless internet traffic.

“I see dumb people…

…they’re everywhere…

…they walk around like everyone else…

…and they don’t even know that they’re dumb…”

Am I expecting too much of my fellow Facebook users? Maybe. Am I taking the whole thing too seriously? Probably. But new messaging systems won’t stand a chance if people don’t use their brains and stop forwarding garbage.

What’s more, this garbage isn’t being propagated by “bots”, machines and spam applications. Actual real-live human beings are perpetuating the problem in this case.

If you received a text message on your mobile which said “forward this to everyone in your address book and turn your phone off and then on again, and something amazing will happen”, would you be stupid enough to do this?

Social networking sites are no different. Think before you click. Please.

I received this in the email onslaught a few days ago. Instead of just hitting delete, something made me read it through to the end… I’m glad I did.

“My parents told me about Mr. Common Sense early in my life and told me I would do well to call on him when making decisions. It seems he was always around in my early years but less and less as time passed by until today, when I read his obituary. Please join me in a moment of silence in remembrance, for Common Sense had served us all so well for so many generations.

“Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were lost long ago in bureaucratic red tape.

“He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn’t always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

“Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children are in charge).

“His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

“Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

“Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

“Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

“Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know my Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I’m a Victim.

“Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.